I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
