he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
