Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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