we have pet lesbian snakes
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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