1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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