One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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