imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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