When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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