I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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