you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
