I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
