i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
