Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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