he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
this just has baby written all over it
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
