After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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