I wish I could teleport
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
