I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
