y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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