I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
