We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
