We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
