I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
