Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
