I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
