Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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