I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
