i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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