I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
