I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
