Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
