for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
