God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
