Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Come see our sink grown plant.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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