You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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