tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
dude. I can hear the air.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
