im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
