Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
