worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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