we made out on top of his cat.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
