then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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