Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
