Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
