Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
