You're completely useless in the revolution.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
