If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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