he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
