don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
