My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
