I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
