I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
