if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
