I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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