Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
