No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
