This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
