bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
