Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize