i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
they're like a gay fantastic four
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
