I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
