Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
