you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
