I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
