you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize