Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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