Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
