even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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