Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
