I could make wine with my vomit
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
