you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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