Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize