My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
