when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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