How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
