I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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